BabbleFest

The Chinese news site that reported on the Taliban monkey soldiers claimed to be relying on “widely published” reports and photos originating with a British news service. Try as we might, we can’t find those “widely published” articles and photos.

But we did find this, and while it may not be proof of the monkey soldiers story, it does seem like pretty sound advice.

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

NASA, formerly involved in space exploration, has been re-directed by President Obama, and its new primary mission is Muslim outreach. In an outstanding example of adapting to circumstances, the agency has already developed several new intiatives in response to the President’s directive.

Blogger Sultan Knish has obtained a copy of a letter sent to President Obama which appears to have been authored by some of the actual scientists and engineers at NASA, as opposed to the political hacks Obama has appointed to gut the agency and turn it into a sensitivity training program for building Muslim self-esteem.

Here are a few choice excerpts.

Dear Sir,

I cannot tell you how much we appreciate your budget cuts, your cancellation of the space shuttle and any replacement launch vehicle for it, forcing us to rely on Russian Soyuz ships and their space program, which can’t even seem to dock with the ISS Space Station. Your wise decision in this regard, as well as your cancellation of any return trip to the moon, has caused us to reevaluate many of our programs, including the search for intelligent life on earth. We understand of course that space exploration must take a backseat to more important matters, such as bailing out the car companies and banks who contributed to your campaign. And of course the White House entertainment budget. Your historic actions since taking office have truly challenged us as an agency. We can only hope to one day be able to return the favor.

After carefully reviewing your new priority for NASA, to reach out to Muslims and make them feel good about “their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering”, which consisted mainly of ripping off Greek and Indian science, and passing it off as their own, we have developed a comprehensive plan for utilizing the talents and abilities of Muslims to further the goals of this nation’s goals space program, which you so articulately described as “That Outer Spacey Thing”.

The agency employees outline five specific programs, including HATE Ignition, Mecca on Mars, and Throw Things Down on the Jews. Probably my favorite, though, is program number four:

Project 4: Space Camel

The ability of camels to survive in a hostile environment is well known. Camels have survived deserts, Moroccan bazaars and owners who put them in beauty contests. Perhaps they can also survive the harsh rigors of space.

Because we no longer have a spacecraft (thanks for that by the way, because why would a space program need one of those anyway) and no way of getting one, we might as well try camels. Why camels? Because they meet both your major priorities, engaging the Muslim world, and using “Clean Energy”. And there’s nothing cleaner than a camel. At least nothing outside a cesspool or rotting sewage.

Our plan is simple. We’re going to take a bunch of camels. Get very drunk. Stick the camels in a catapult, and scribble some arabic numerals in a notebook. Do some algebra, and invite Muslims to participate in this new wonderful race to space. Then we’re going to let the camels fly.

Honestly we don’t know where the camels will land. They might land in deserted areas. They might land on houses or people. They might land on the White House. They might land on the moon. We just don’t know! That’s because due to your budget cuts, we can no longer afford calculators. Instead we’re going to have our Muslim colleagues do the math for us on an abacus. Their advanced knowledge of science will surely see us through.

And frankly if you’re going to engage children with the wonders of space, nothing will do it half as well as a shrieking camel flying through the sky.

Although they are still working out the details, NASA is also working on Project 5, a Time Machine. Here’s a brief excerpt:

So far our best idea is a time machine. We don’t have all the details nailed down. But our calculations have shown us that we only need to go back to November 3rd, 2008. And we don’t need to send back a human being. Only a 1 oz CD containing the economic indicators for the last year, and every major news story in America that didn’t involve Reality TV stars or the media kissing your ass. We have prepared a Post It note that we will attach to that CD.

The note reads: “We’re from the future. Don’t vote for that jackass.”

Honestly, the quoted material does not do justice to the original, and we suggest you go and read the entire original post here.

Thanx to KPH and Gardener

What, no Tribbles?

Enjoy, closet Trekkies (or is it Trekkers?).  You know who you are.

Here, there be monsters

Did You Know . . .

A swimming pool is a good play area for children. But installing one means worrying about pool filters, disinfection etc. It is better to consult a pro for any swimming pool questions regarding to cleaning. They usually recommend professional pool cleaners. They even come up with healthy swimming ideas, that should be followed at any cost.

People all over the world are crazy about american football.  That is the reason why one finds it hard to find super bowl tickets  on time. Specially new york giants tickets  sell like hot buns in black. On the other hand, arizona cardinals tickets  are easier to come by, comparatively. The same holds true for tickets for dallas cowboys  games as well.